So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hippo gnu deer
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
