its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
