soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
