i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
