Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Found the puke drawer
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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