I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
