So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
