I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
