Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
