i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
