Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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