Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
