so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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