i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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