I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
