There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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