That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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