We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want to make a zoo with you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
