if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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