Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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