Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
