That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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