i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
