I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
