not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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