that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i've created a new STD.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
