Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
