Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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