I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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