It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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