I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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