Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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