My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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