so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
