I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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