I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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