Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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