I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
