So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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