i need an iv and a liver transplant
thus making me awesome and them whores
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
