please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
