I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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