Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
