when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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