I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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