i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
