I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
