If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
