oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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