so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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